


losing you would be pain

by softinnocence



Series: she lives in daydreams with me [1]
Category: New Girl (TV 2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Fluff, Just Give It A Go, No Idea, No Plot/Plotless, Swearing, but you might enjoy, just a warning, like really, like really - please don't be mad, the one where you can feel your soulmates pain, this got away from me fast, this makes no sense, where this went
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softinnocence/pseuds/softinnocence
Summary: "this isn’t how she wanted to meet her soulmate, but she didn’t mind it was nick, she guesses it could be worse"or that one where you can feel your soulmate's pain.
Relationships: Cece Parekh/Schmidt (New Girl), Jessica Day & Nick Miller, Jessica Day/Nick Miller, Winston Bishop/Aly Nelson
Series: she lives in daydreams with me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2171499
Comments: 12
Kudos: 48





	losing you would be pain

**Author's Note:**

> right - before we start - THIS ISN'T MY BEST WORK! like i know this might be a bit fast and messy, but this was a great way to get out some ideas while i wrote - all my senses come to life. not that i'm saying you shouldn't read this, it's full of cute kid jess and winston talking about aly before he has even met her and nick being a dork.
> 
> anyway - as always enjoy! <3

_day ;_

The first time Jess feels her soulmate’s pain is on a Tuesday morning during recess when she was chasing her friends in a game of _Duck, Duck, Goose_. She was seven years old and had no idea about soulmates or the pain they could cause each other.

While she skipped trying to tag her cousin Robby, a sharp pain shot through her left leg, making her collapse to the grass. Jess threw her head back and screamed while Robby stood still, shouting for a teacher, and Jess couldn’t stop the agony she felt, shouting for it to stop.

_(she would always come back this moment, trying to remember when it all started, always coming back to thinking that she was dying because she skipped too high and the skipping gods were mad)_

Her teacher and friends crowded around her while Jess rolled on the ground, hot tears falling down her face, getting her yellow dress muddy. The teacher tells the other kids who were worried for their friend that she was okay and picks her up carefully, whispering to Jess that it was going to be okay as well over her screams and sobs, taking her to the nurse’s office.

Nurse Carrie is a sweet woman who smiles at Jess, placing ice over the fine-looking leg. She sits at the edge of her chair touching her leg carefully, watching Jess’s reactions. 

“Your soulmate must have done something to it. I am so sorry, darling, it’s going to sting for a bit. You might have to take a trip to the E.R.”

Jess looks up at the kind woman with her big, blue eyes. The pain was still there, but she could feel it slowly fading. The ice was helping.

“My.. soulmate?” She wipes her nose with the back of her hand, playing with the floral pattern on her dress. “What’s that?”

Carrie laughs, patting Jess’s right leg. “Soulmates are...complicated,” she looked around the room, deep in thought before she carried on, “but they are people that the universe put us with for a reason. Sometimes people find their best friend or the person they will marry. Sometimes both.”

Jess wrinkles her nose at the word _marry_. 

“But why do I feel what I am feeling? Did I do something to them?” Her panicking made the nurse giggle.

“You feel whatever your soulmate feels pain-wise. If they hurt themself, you also hurt. It brings you closer, honey.”

Jess sighs. “I don’t wanna hurt them. Do you think they want to hurt me? Is that why they did it?”

“No, sweetie, I am sure they didn’t want to hurt you.”

_(little did they know her soulmate was about 2,100 miles away letting winston bishop push him off the swing set to see if charlotte harris was his soulmate. spoiler alert, she wasn’t, nobody at that school was his soulmate)_

When she went to E.R later that day and got a cast, she couldn’t stop telling her Mom about her soulmate and how she never wanted to hurt them. Joan patted her daughter’s arm gently, smiling while Jess didn’t complain about the cast and the pain, only hearing her tell the doctor to be careful of her soulmate.

Jessica Day was always careful of her soulmate.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


_miller ;_

The first time Nick Miller felt his soulmate's pain for the first time was when he was nine years old and _confident_ that he hated her already. Or maybe she didn’t exist at all because of his lack of unexplainable pain he has felt over the three years he had known about soulmates.

_(this argument didn’t have a cause, just because he knows she is a girl. oh, and he knows when he meets her, he might have to explain why she has had to face multiple trips to the e.r just because he thought a girl was pretty and wanted to see if she was his soulmate. his method hadn’t worked yet)_

He was outside, sat outside his house, giving the lemonade stand that the neighbor’s kids had set up, a dirty look, waiting for the ice cream van that was due soon. 

It was an early summer evening with a light breeze and Nick didn’t mind this time of the year. He wouldn’t mind being on the beach or living near somewhere that was always warm and had a beach nearby.

He was lost in thoughts of Mexico, where his parents had taken him and his brother last year on holiday when he felt it. His hand felt as if he had touched boiling water and he automatically pulled away, standing up for the sidewalk, feeling the tears start to fall down his face.

“Son of an uprooted _cow_ -”

_(his first thought was that his soulmate was an idiot, but he silently felt grateful. she existed)_

It stung, it felt exactly like he had burnt himself, and his soulmate would have felt _that_ as well over the years, but really he was near tears with the idea that the universe had made someone for him.

_(he had felt the pain through his fingers as if he had written an essay when he never does, the slight headaches, the way his eyes hurt in the morning as if he had stayed up reading too late, but never a clear sign that she was real)_

It crashed over him that he was hurting her, and now he knows she was real, Nick vowed to stop trying to hurt himself to find her.

Maybe he didn’t hate his soulmate.

* * *

Caroline wasn’t his soulmate. 

He knew that.

He listened to her talk about how she disliked the idea of soulmates and feeling what they felt; _“I mean, why do we have to hurt with them, I never asked for them to be the one, right?”_ Nick had learned to nod along, to play her game, and to be her arm candy.

But Nick had felt the time his soulmate had thrown her first punch when he was eighteen, not right, and he was sure that his girlfriend was mad at him for laughing and the tears and she came to the understanding it wasn’t her. He had felt the time she had worn high heels all night and he hobbled around the bar, wincing with every step, wishing for her to take them off. Nick Miller had someone out there that was connected to him, and it felt right. Until it didn’t.

Caroline had found her soulmate at some club she had been working at that night, she was very fast to find an excuse to break up with Nick, throwing clothes into a bag, and telling him she was never wrong, but, instead, that she knew all along that it wasn’t really what happened to them two and he should go after his soulmate.

_(soulmates ruin everything, so he was okay with staying away from his)_

  
  


* * *

_day ;_

Spencer wasn’t her soulmate. 

But for four years she stayed with him, hoping for the feeling of love and connection that she knew others had with their non-soulmates. It came crashing to an end when she comes home early from New York and watches as he answers the door with his work friend and newly found soulmate - _Alice_. She had no idea why she wasted four years trying to make it work, but she silently thanks the universe when Cece helps her load up stuff from their house they shared for the last year.

“You are so lucky that he ran away to that….bitches house, I swear Jess, if I ever see him-”

Jess laughs over Cece’s rant, making her turn away from the steering wheel to see what she was laughing about, only seeing red.

_(jess and cece claimed to be each other’s soul-buddies, the idea they were always meant to be best friends)_

Jess throws her head back and laughs louder. “I can now find _him_.”

“Spencer? Nah, Jess, he should be _running-_ ”

Jess turns the song up on the radio, rolling down the window before smiling at her.

“No Ceec, I can find my soulmate.”

  
  


* * *

_miller ;_

Jessica Day had wormed her way into his life, fast. It was something he didn’t see coming, basically _begging_ Schmidt to say no to her moving in, only _after_ she had moved in, sure, but, really, he didn’t like how quickly he had become infatuated with her. 

She loved ice cream. It was kind of annoying. He would want to get his frozen pizzas out of their shared freezer and ice cream would fall out, her draw overfilling with every Ben & Jerry’s flavour known to be sold. Jess would always offer him a bit, sitting next to him on the sofa, bringing the extra spoon just so he could pick at her bowl if he wanted to. That was something that annoyed him too.

Jess seemed to know him. She had only been living there for two months when she would make sure to always make him a sandwich before work, sliding over the ham and cheese with the crusts _on it because_ that’s the way he liked it. She would always talk to him at the bar about some T.V show he had been watching the night before, _( “nah, nick, ross and rachel have the best soulmate story, you’re telling me you’re not a sucker for the friends to lovers?”)_

He was worried he was falling for someone that wasn’t his soulmate, because as much as he likes Jess, really likes her, and he has been convincing himself for a year now that she wasn’t his soulmate. Until now.

* * *

  
  


_day ;_

“Why is Nick always grumpy?” Jess asks Winston while she helps him bake the brownies.

_(it had taken some time, but winnie and jess had become good friends finding they were both very similar people and bonding hard over the idea they were both hufflepuffs and their love for cute animals agreeing they should get a loft cat at some point)_

Winston looked up from cracking the eggs and stopped singing to the _Taylor Swift_ song playing softly in the background.

He shrugs. “He has always been like it. Maybe not as a kid.” Winston smiles as if he remembers something. “As a kid, he was always trying to hurt himself to see if anyone was in the area was his soulmate. Nobody ever was and his soulmate never hurt herself, like is a very careful person, seriously,” he laughs and Jess smiles at the idea of Nick’s careful soulmate.

“Has he ever felt something from her?”

“Yeah, I remember him telling me in the playground the first time he heard from her was when he was about nine. She burnt herself; on the hand. From then on, he became aware that she was real and stopped trying to find her, and stopped hurting himself on purpose. He felt her first punch, a few other things but he never wanted to explain to her about the times he hurt her.” Winston threw the eggs shells in the bin and started to mix. Jess just watched, interested.

“What about you Winston? Your soulmate?” Jess leans on the sides, enjoying having this talk about soulmates with someone.

“She is tough, clearly. Loves to run and maybe does some sort of fighting because my hands feel like they have punched like six people a day. Throughout my childhood, I would wake up with random pain in my legs and arms, so she must have had a nightmare as a kid.”

Jess smiles, watching Winston talk about his soulmate with ease, like most people, he was obsessed with the idea of his forever.

“What about you?” Winston looks over at Jess who was now measuring out the sugar.

Jess smiles. “He’s a mess; very clumsy.”

“Yeah?”

“I was always in the E.R as a kid. My parents always had a go-bag ready just in case they hurt themselves.” Jess laughs, pouring the sugar into the bowl. 

“Sounds like Nick,” Winston whispers under his breath, slowly coming to an understanding that Nick and Jess’s stories might be connected.

  
  


* * *

  
  


_miller ;_

“I don’t want to meet her!” Nick whispers shouts over Winston and Schmidt’s hushed argument.

Jess stands in the kitchen, right next to Nick, smelling like mint and other things he _did no_ t want to think about, wincing at his statement.

Winston knew something, he was going on about knowing about Nick’s soulmate and he was _sure_ that it was going to change a few things.

_(they both weren’t being very quiet)_

Schmidt laughs nervously. “Come on, man - you have to want to meet your _soulmate_.”

_(schmidt was sure it was cece, his new roommates best friend and winston was okay with waiting, but when nick said about waiting and not being ready, they didn’t believe him)_

Nick put down his beer, pointing to Jess. “You have Jess now! Can you please pet-project her and not me?” He sounds desperate, a new sound coming out of his mouth, but he really didn’t want to think about the one person he has loved his entire life not knowing who she was.

Jess smiles widely, making something flip in Nick’s chest, and this was a girl he had only known for a _few months_ , why was he feeling this way?, and watches her as she walks around the counter, almost in a worried way as he sees the stuck out stool.

_(it all happened in slow motion, the chair hitting jess’s hip as she rushed past, her swearing under her breath and then him, feeling the sharp stabbing feeling dig into the same side at the same time)_

Schmidt, because even though he can be a dick, he was really a good friend, automatically asks her if she was okay, not paying attention to his best friend on the other side of him trying to hold back the tears.

Jess stood up, wincing but smiling, nodding and telling them she was okay, holding her side.

_(she was handling the pain very well, that’s all he can say- wait a minute -)_

Winston flicks his eyes between them both flashing a knowing look, jumping from side to side, trying to contain a laugh.

Nick looks up, making a quick motion with his hand, flicking it through the air.

“ _No-_ ” 

But Winston didn’t notice.

“Nick - felt - that!” His voice was high, as he jumped around. “Nick and Jess! Never would have thought that!”

Jess looks up, still wincing at Nick’s pained expression, shooting him a confused look.

“Nick……”

_(for someone who was the worse liar in the world, he thought of an excuse fast)_

He winced again; it fucking _hurt_ \- if Jess was his soulmate, she had _very_ high pain tolerance.

“It hit my side getting up to help you; _son of an uprooted pig_ -” Jess stood up too fast and he felt it in his side, making up another excuse he didn’t even hear come out of his mouth, rushing to his room.

_(jessica day was probably his soulmate. shit)_

* * *

_day ;_

She did a whole bunch of research as a kid, finding that most people never did find their soulmates in the end, choosing to settle down with a person that wasn’t there forever, and living with the pain their soulmate caused them.

Spencer was a living example of why that plan was bad. Instead of helping through her soulmate’s pain, he would tell her to be quiet and that her soulmate was an idiot and wasn't glad that she chose them.

But with Nick walking away wincing, something inside her stirred, as if someone had just told her why she felt fuzzy when she looked at him.

“I called it, I called it!” Winston dances in the kitchen while Schmidt and Jess share a look of utmost confusion.

* * *

Jess stands outside Nick’s door, knocking hard.

“We have to talk about this!” Jess shouts through the closed door, feeling like she has been transported to that Disney movie _Frozen_ , she watches with her cousins when she goes to Portland.

Nick shouts back, clearly far away, laying on his bed.

“If we were meant to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings!”

Jess throws her hands up in defeat, because, really universe, this dude?!

* * *

Jess lays in bed that night, her side bruising but feeling slightly better, thinking over the events of the day, something inside of her filling her with a sense of being half full.

_(like this isn’t how she wanted to meet her soulmate, but she didn’t mind it was nick, she guesses it could be worse)_

Doing the only thing she could think of to get his attention, and to make sure it was real, was start poking at her side. The pain made her grip the sheets, angry at why she had done this to make sure it was real, and going against her life-long promise to not hurt him purposely, but right now she was desperate to talk to him.

A door slammed in the hallway, making the quiet loft full of groans and muttered swear words as a loud knock came upon her door.

Digging her nails into the bruise, just to spite him, she whispered a quiet , “come in, Miller.”

* * *

_miller ;_

She looked pretty, with the light of the lamp casting a slight shadow over the room and tonight she had chosen against those match PJs she liked to wear, but was now wearing shorts and an old t-shirt she had worn when she moved in.

_(but then he always found himself looking at jessica day, always thinking she was pretty)_

“Stop,” he drew in a breath, “it.”

He watches how they both have their hands in the same place and it wasn’t now until they _knew_.

“Now you know!” Jess whisper shouts, standing up from the bed, kicking the duvet off her fully. “Do you know how many trips I had to the E.R because of you? Do you know that I missed Cece’s birthday because you wanted to break your arm? Do you know Miller?”

_(in some other universe they never had to do this; they would have never got to meet and never had a clear sign they were meant to be. this is be a blessing, not a pain in the ass)_

Nick sighs, shutting the door as he walks into her room.

“Look…” She digs her nails deeper into the bruise and they both wince. “You handle this in whatever way - _Jessica,_ I mean it, stop hurting yourself!”

She didn’t see it coming, she didn’t process it before it was too late, him throwing her hands above her head away from her bruise, one hand pushing the wrists into wall as she stops breathing from the shock and the smell of some all in one body wash-shampoo-conditioner and a choking smell of sandalwood that reminded her of watching movies on the couch and eating ice cream.

(he didn’t seem to know he was doing it too, looking at her wrists in his hands, then looking at her who must look as shocked as he did, but he didn’t let go)

“....sorry.” Nick muttered, his eyes meeting hers.

Jessica inhaled through her nose, not trying to think about the way they were placed; they were way too close.

_(but jess didn’t want him to move)_

“So, you're my soulmate?” Jess tries to keep voice down, reminding herself of the men she shares an apartment with.

Nick watches her, like he watches a Bear’s game, with a sense of interest and commitment, something he doesn’t give other things. 

“Yeah,” He pauses. “I guess so.”

_(his hands loosen on her wrists letting them fall to sides, but he still leans over her, the tension not breaking)_

She doesn’t know the voice that comes out of her mouth, the one that sounds desperate and quiet.

“About fucking time.”

* * *

_miller + day ;_

“Jessica Day!” Nick laughed quietly, leaning closer.

Jess laughed back. “What!?”

“Don’t _fucking_ swear!”

She rolls her eyes. 

“Wanna go, Miller?”

_(nick was getting high on those blue eyes that simmer in the light of the lamp and jess was wishing his hands had never left hers)_

He doesn’t reply, instead choosing to stay lost in those eyes.

_(maybe it was the tension, maybe it was the fact they were soulmates, or he wanted to show he how he has felt these last few months - or even how he has felt his entire life, but he kisses her)_

Jess kisses him back, her once bound hands cupping his cheeks, trying to get him closer to her.  
  


_(which is physically impossible, because as a teacher she knows energy can not be created or destroyed and nothing really is touching because of atoms and_ fuck it _-)_

Nick kisses her like she was oxygen itself, pushing her back further into the mattress, using one hand to hold the back of her head and the other to keep him propped up.

Nick pulls away first, believing he has messed up, believing the fact that maybe she wasn’t his soulmate.

Jess looks up at him, breathing deeply, tugging one hand in his grey shirt.

“I never wanted to hurt you, Jess.”

_(she looks up at him again, and he swear that now he understands the old stories about how people would die for the one they love)_

“I know.”

Nick couldn’t stop, because he feels like an open book under her look, as if she knew everything already.

“I did it cause I wanted to find you… then you burnt yourself, you must of have been _eight_ -”

Jess smiles, tracing his jaw-line with her left hand, and Nick melted into her touch.

“-I had just learnt to bake, and I touched the hot cake tin by accident. The only reason I cried ‘cause I was afraid you would be mad at me.”

Nick smiles, scoffing a laugh.

“Jess - I’m not mad, you should be mad at me.”

Jess shrugs, her smile getting wider.

_(he looked younger in this light and above her. it was a nice change from him being grumpy all the time)_

“You're here now, that’s what counts.”

  
  


* * *

_miller ;_

“How are you still alive?" Nick groans.

_(how were they_ both _still alive?)_

"Take something, _Jessica_ ,” Nick spits out through gritted teeth, holding his abdomen rolling on the sofa dramatically. 

_(“your soulmate’s period cramps?” big bob asks nick as he winces pouring the drinks._

_nick curses some more as he pours the coke-vodka._

_big bob pats nick’s back._

_“go home, go help jess, if she is in as bad shape as you, she needs it.”)_

Jess sits up, from her end of the sofa, pressing pause on the movie playing on the T.V.

“I already have, _Nicholas_.” Jess sighs, throwing another blanket over her, then another one at him.

_(they have been dating for over a year now, and the bickering doesn’t stop. not that he would change it though)_

They both swear at the same time as Nick rolls over.

“Do you need anything?” Nick askes, his mouth muffled from the couch cushions. “Like, you’re good with sanitary napkins and chocolate?”

He lifts his head up, too see Jess looking at the T.V watching some rom-com he had no idea about, but knew the woman from _‘Pitch Perfect’_ was on it.

_(at guys night, schimdt made him watch it. that’s all he has to say)_

“Yeah, I’m good.” She looked over at him, and Nick knew he must look like an idiot, in five blankets and near tears. “Come here, Miller.”

Jess puts down the coffee mug she was holding, opening her arms.

He didn’t need to be told twice.

Kicking off the blankets, he walked around to her side of the sofa, laying behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, careful of not hurting them, pressing a light kiss to her neck.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this.” Jess stated eyes still on the T.V.

Nick smiled into her neck, feeling sleep overtaking his body.

“If you have to go through it, it makes sense that I should go through it too.” He runs a finger up her arm.

Jess turns in his arms, trying to stay on the sofa.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, and really, take some more drugs cause this is a horrible _feeling-_ ”

She stops him by pressing her lips against his. Nick automatically gives what she takes because she is equal, and as much as he hates to feel things, Jess makes him want to tell everyone, the universe made him for Jess and the other way around.

_(and that is pretty cool)_

**_fin._ **

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed! <3
> 
> tumblr - brightinnocence


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